The Chronicles of Boyland: Introduction and Episode I

My dear readers I’ve decided to start a new series of posts so I can tell you some extrodinary stories.  Things that some of you have experienced, but most have only heard tall tales about.  Welcome to the world of all boy families.

I have a theory about these types of families.  Obviously they can come in two main versions, Boyland and Girltopia.  I will probably expand on this as the series progresses.  Since I studied the bulk of my BA in the Sociology Department I know that since we’re dealing people there are endless variables to the outcomes that these cultures can create.  My hypothesis is: In families where mono-gender of offspring exist, the strength/polarity/stereotypical gender characteristics exists exponentially compared to families of mixed gender identities.  I realize a factor in the equation of  these gender characteristics has how the parental units, encourage or discourage certain behaviors.  These Chronicles are of course a rouse and just a fun way to package some crazy and silly things my 3 boys do.

Episode I: Orange or Grape

We had just finished dinner.  It was Jen’s Thursday to work and she was already out the door.  Levi asked if they could have some dessert.  I took a look in the pantry and then the freezzer.  All I could muster were 3 icy pops, 1 orange, and 2 grape.  Joel wanted a grape.  I sensed a disturbance in the force, I knew there would be some sort of brawl over the orange icy pop.  So as a formality I asked Graeme if he wanted grape. Of course his answer is “no.”  I turn to Levi and offer him the grape.  He refuses.  Stalemate. What to d?  What to do?

We have some standard tie breaking procedures in place.  Things like chose a number between 1 and 10, coin toss, thumb wrestle, etc.  For some reason we all thought these were mundane.  I thought for a moment… I got it!  Whoever can stand the cold of the icy pops on their skin the longest gets to choose the flavor.  This was for braggin’ rights too ya know.

This is a good match up, I really didn’t know which way this was going to go.  Graeme is stubburn like his mother and also has budding perserveerance he gets from me. [These are basically synonyms.] [I get the nicer adjective because I’m the author.]  Levi is the tough brawler of the family.  He usually hurts Graeme when they wrestle.  But Levi also has hyper stimulation disorder, things that uncomfortable to him, he just can’t handle.  It’s anyone’s icy pop.

Shirts off.  On the count of 3. 1! 2! 3!  The epic battle lasted 3 minutes… The icy pop goes to LEVI!

I should have taken pictures of their bellies.  They both had red areas in the shape of icy pops from their belly buttons to their sternums.  So Levi had a grin a mile wide.  He was so proud.  He sported his crooked teethy smile the rest of the night.

Thank you for entering into my world.  A world of emerging tostoserone.  A world of bringing up boys.

Welcome to Boyland.