So what does a pastor do when they don’t have a formal ministry? I don’t really know. I’m in a void. A holding pattern in that regard. Its not that I don’t know what to do next. I just don’t know when, or how it will happen.
Recently I’ve felt the pull of ministry again. The tug, burden, and weight of calling. There has been many times I’ve done ministry on a one on one level since I left First Church. I’m talking about the feeling pastors have about the places they serve. Something different than hearing God’s voice telling me in my soul to talk to someone, or do something in everyday life. I never stopped that. I only reference that because sometimes when people leave ministries they shut down completely. That never happened for me even though there was some grief involved. It feels good to have that feeling again, albeit slight at the moment.
I’ve have had several poignant dreams over the past year. Actully a series of dreams. You could call them visions. Some of them were while I was awake, some during the night. God speaks to me usually in video clips. The first one was when my time was short at First Church. I went to a friend’s cabin by a river and spent hours in silence and reading scripture, it was a powerful time. After a few hours I just simply asked God “Are we supposed to go to Seattle? For real? I’d like to. It makes sense in my head, but do you have something in mind for me there?” I kid you not in under 2 minutes I got my answer. I saw myself sitting in a coffee shop in Seattle, having spiritual conversations with people. I saw myself walking down the street with a young man pouring my soul into his life. After I saw those “clips” I got up off the floor and said aloud “OK then.”
Since then there’s been a black out from the video department. Until a couple of months ago.
Recenetly I’ve had a few more dreams. The first one was of me, just walking down the street. As I looked around I was
filled with compassion for the city of Seattle. There was nothing more specific than that. The second dream was in a house. A living room and kitchen. Jen and I were hosting people. She and I were grappling with them about some spiritual issue in their lives. The third dream was a few weeks later in the same house. Jen was cooking and laughing. There were other people there with us. This time it seemed like they were doing ministry with us. The house was full of joy. Here’s a sketch I drew in my journal of the living room I saw.
I’ve not sure what else I wanted to say about all this. I’ve had this post in draft folder for quite some time now.
I guess I want you all to know that I’ve hit a turning point. I’m starting to feel like a pastor again. I’m beginning to feel calling in my bones for Seattle. This school adventure is the next step to help be become who I need to be to fulfill that calling that is brewing.
Thanks for listening.